GreenLoverJ

Sex Outdoors Checklist: What You Need to Get it On in the Wild

In Sex Tips on September 8, 2008 at 5:44 pm

(Originally posted 9/2/08 -when we were on another blog host)

Yesterday was the final day of Burning Man -an annual event where any and all forms of sexuality is allowed to be expressed and explored in an emotionally safe, eco-friendly environment. I’m not going say there’s a lot of sex at Burning Man…but there’s a lot of sex at Burning Man. (So I guess I did say it.) Lots of free-expressin’, higher plane feelin’, open minded and open thighed sex. In tents. In cars. Outside. In front of people. Behind the bike racks. On top of an art installation lit by glo-sticks. All over the little city. And that led me to thinking.

Sex happens in many creative places. And sure, it happens at Burning Man in many creative places, but it can happen any time. Any where. Sometimes in a public bathroom. Sometimes in a car. Sometimes outside on a pile of leaves and twigs that get stuck in your hair and takes days to remove and sometimes a twig will fall out of your hair days later and you’ll think fondly of what’s-his-name with the surfboard…

But I digress.

Having sex outside is one of those creative spots we all want to do it, but fear for more than getting arrested. There’s details. is not as easy as the movies make it seem. Dirt can get into some hard to reach nooks and crannies. And your bedside stash isn’t a few steps away, so if you’re in the mood for an accessory, you better have packed it in the wine holder.

So I have decided to compile the “Eco-Sex Outdoor Sex Check List” for those who want to have sex outside. (Disclaimer: If you are considering sex outside where it is illegal to be exposing yourself, I do not condone this. At all. Really. I mean, like your backyard, or another country, or that stretch of beach you own..you know?)

ECO-SEX OUTDOOR SEX CHECK LIST

naked. Lubricant – Things can get sticky when playing in the dirt but you want it to be slick. Waterslide slick. I suggest a good silicone lube where less is more. Make sure the tube of lube you take is not glass and does not leak as rubbing the inside of your accidentally slicked backpack on your lover can be a real romance killer. If you want, bring some lube packets. They don’t take up much room and won’t leak.

naked. Toys – Dirt friendly toys help the cause. Even silicone can gather lint and dust just sitting on your shelf. So avoid the sticky stuff -jelly, realistic materials like CyberSkin, and silicone. Go for glass and hard plastic where the dirt can be wiped off easily.

naked. Clean-Up – Wipes wipes wipes! Bring some baby wipes or specially created sex wipes for clean up during and after sex. Also, consider some small dry towels, toy cleaner, and anti-bacterial gel. I also keep hair gel and lotion in my travel sex kit to be extra sweet.

naked. Be Prepared- Mom always told you to wear clean underwear. If you’re planning a jaunty trip, take some with you. And add to that preparedness list: a flashlight for when it gets dark, sunscreen because you’re going to expose some delicate body parts, and blankets for cover and/or warmth. Condoms of course fall under this category. And last but not least, an extra set of car keys hidden on the car’s exterior. Nothing says “I am a sexual moron” than being naked with your play partner and you patting down your bare ass wondering where your keys are.

naked. Recycle/Re-use/Throw Away the Evidence – Here’s my green lecture for the day: Don’t be a rude eco-screw. When you are done, take the condom, condom wrapper, and lube packets to the nearest trashcan or bring a trashbag. Don’t litter your sexin’. It may have been great during, but no one likes to happen upon an old, filled, condom. I just shivered. I grossed myself out.

Okay, so that’s the check list. Of course, feel free to add wine, wine glasses, massage oil, kama sutra book of positions, poetry by some obscure dude you read in college, etc. to your own list. And happy outdoor bangin!

Oh! And a final word on police. You know, if you ignored what I said about doing something illegal. If the cops come, do not be belligerent, and do not invite them to partake nor offer up your lover in exchange for freedom. Have your ID ready for them to see and apologize. Not a lot. Just once or twice. Cover yourself and your partner and act as civilised as possible. Often, you get away with only a chuckle and a warning and the likely chance that you are talked about quite often in the policemen’s lounge. Depending where you live, you can get a ticket or end up in the clink. Which would suck. Sorry. I told you to do it in your backyard.

naked

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